THE STRANGE MAN- Part III (Death of Innocence)

19 August 2012 at 23:14

PublicFriendsOnly MeCustomLaw StudentBilaspur, Chhattīsgarh, India AreaGo Back

 Life had taught her many things in her 30-odd years of existence, but the most important lesson she had learned was to not care.  To care meant to be vulnerable to the whimsical will of “the other”. It had taken her 18 long years to realize that she was enough; “the other” was not needed! But she couldn’t be sure what it was that she was feeling now. Perhaps a sense of déjà-vu, as if an oppressive smell from several years back had filled the air again. It was suffocating! She opened the window and glanced down at the street. Everything was just the same- life in motion, from nowhere to nowhere- mad as always!  Everything seemed unreal; just like a dream! And how could she be sure that she wasn’t in a dream? Maybe she was, and everything was just a figment of her imagination. The only thing she could be sure of was herself. She was the only reality which could be trusted. The existence and nature of everything else was treacherously uncertain and unreliable. She was alone; absolutely alone- in a world of infinite forms and faces; in a universe which stretched from infinity to infinity. And that was her greatest strength. But it hadn’t always been so.
 The thought was so horrifying when she had first realized it as an adolescent girl, she felt weaker than a toddler left alone on the street. With the passing years, she’d learned to live with it, convincing herself it wasn’t true; constantly searching for “the other.” Sometimes in mother; sometimes in Manya; and finally, in whoever cared to listen. “The other”, wasn’t there, it never was! For all its vastness, magnitude, and variety, the world didn’t have it. Her black, white, red, green and yellow were her own, never matching with the world’s. There were times when she felt like the world was one big machine, and she was trapped somewhere within it between so many moving parts- alone and helpless- shouting, crying and flailing her limbs about. But nothing changed; everything moved just the same, only directions of movement changed; and that was even more horrifying. And certainly, there was no release!
She and Manya had the same mother. Still, Manya was rich from the beginning, and she poor. Manya could always buy her share of “the other”- from mother- with her report card; from teachers- with her acceptable ability to memorise; and from the world- with her acceptable features. On the other hand, all that she could offer was –greeting cards for card-hand made!; drawing and sketching for abilities; and a brown skin over an average form for features. And these things were not enough to buy her share of “the other”.  But it wasn’t only the haunting sense of insignificance which nibbled at her being, for back then she had no great ambitions. What she more deeply longed for was her share in the world. And she would have accepted without protest whatever little share came her way. But the world denied her even that!
In higher secondary, when she turned 17, there came a moment when she felt her wait was almost over. A new boy named Vijay had joined the class. Till then only one girl named Ishita sat beside her, though the bench had space for three. But now, Vijay occupied the vacant space and it wasn’t long before she realized that he was not just another boy in the class. He was extraordinarily ordinary! And, for the first time she felt she understood the meaning of the phrase “birds of a feather flock together.”
TO BE CONTD…

finally we became friends (II)

"Why did you think we could be "friends", and what do you mean when you use that term?" you asked. The question was unexpected, and hence left me pondering for a while. "That's difficult," I said, "but I'll try and reply since you have asked." I use the term "friend" to refer to an individual I have ceased to be at war with. The world is a battlefield, where everyone is at war with everyone else, and you have no choice but to fight. You can be aggressive or defensive- that's only a matter of strategy; but the fight remains inevitable.To exist is to fight. The resources in the world are limited, and everyone is a potential competitor, and hence the war. And it's a cold war, so you can't use direct weapons. The weapons used are indirect, so you can't afford to be yourself. No matter where you go, a mask is needed! A friend is an individual, before whom you can stand nude, without fear or shame, knowing full well that you'll still be accepted, as there is no longer any war between you. You're no longer competitors. I felt I couldn't fight with you; never! In-fact, I could give you my share, quite willingly. And so I felt we could be friends!

SINNI AND THE MONSTER

Sinni, the beautiful princess of Pratapgarh stood by the window of her small room in the castle where Babbar, the ferocious monster had kept her in detention. The good old days had gone and with them had gone the smile on her face. What had remained was the setting sun, the river, and the chattering monkeys. “If only, I could chatter with those monkeys too!” She thought, as it was several weeks, since she had talked with anyone.
Pleased with the monster’s devotion Lord Shiva had once appeared before him to grant a wish. “If you’re really pleased with me O’ Lord, then give me what you have”, Babbar had said meaning Shiva’s powers. But to his dismay, Shiva gave him his serpent as it was all he had. “Oh! What will I do with your serpent, My Lord? I meant, I want to be invincible and immortal like you”, Babbar had tried to explain. “But what will you do with these powers?” Lord Shiva had asked. “I’ll marry King Aditya Pratap’s daughter, become king of Pratapgarh, and acquire the royal treasure hidden in the cave which opens only at the king’s command” Babbar had replied.

“I cannot take back what I have given, but if invincibility and immortality is what you desire, then so shall it be! So long as you wear my serpent around your neck you’ll remain invincible and every time it bites you, you’ll become immortal for a day”, Lord Shiva had said rectifying his mistake. “But remember, if you marry any girl against her will, my serpent will disappear”, Lord Shiva had cautioned before disappearing.

And then, Babbar had captured the king after defeating all his soldiers and declared himself the new king. All faithful servants, officials and courtiers of Aditya Pratap were replaced with new ones, except Bala, the royal cook who was kept in service, as the monster liked his food. Babbar then went to the treasure cave and said-

“Open you the miraculous cavern,
Commands thy king, the bravest one!

But the cave did not open, and all he heard was a mysterious voice call out from inside-

Listen You!, the worthless thing-
Until you marry the princess, you are not the king!
And since then, Babbar had been trying hard to win Sinni’s heart, but in vain. One day, looking out of the window Sinni noticed an old woman begging for meal. She beckoned the woman and offered her own meal to her. Before leaving, the woman smiled a grandmotherly smile and gave a strange fruit to Sinni. The fruit tasted sweet and she fell asleep after eating it.
When she woke up she heard somebody singing outside. When she looked out, she couldn’t believe what she saw. A monkey was singing with his eyes fixed on another monkey- “wise men say...only fools rush in...but I can’t help...!” It was only when Sinni called out to the monkey and he came running towards her that she realized she had begun to understand the language of animals. “Yes princess, did you call me?” the monkey said. “What’s your name and what were you doing?”, Sinni asked. “Me, Oh! I’m Chimpu and I was... only trying to win that female monkey’s heart, you know...”, the monkey said blushingly. A wide smile appeared on Sinni’s face. “You look so beautiful smiling! May I ask what keeps you sad all the time? And by the way, how come you understand our language?” Chimpu asked. Sinni then told him about Babbar, the old woman and the mysterious fruit she’d given her. “Oh, it must have been Bhairavi, the sorceress who lives in the jungles spread across the river. But she never goes anywhere without a purpose. Why would she come here? I think I should meet her, perhaps she could help!” Chimpu said and left after promising to come back soon.
Chimpu then, crossed the river by stowing away in a good’s boat and reached Bhairavi’s hut. Bhairavi told Chimpu that she was expecting him, and that Gabbar had sought her help to woo the princess. However, since she never cast her spell on any noble soul, she’d gone to the castle to test the princess, and found that she had a pure and compassionate soul. She had therefore decided to help the princess. Bhairavi, then narrated her plan to Chimpu. Then, giving him a casket containing a snake identical to Shiva’s, Bhairavi asked Chimpu to tell the plan to the princess and ask her to narrate it to Bala, the cook, when he came to deliver her meal. Chimpu then returned to the castle and told everything to Sinni.
This time when Babbar comes to entreat Sinni, as per the plan, she agrees to marry him. But when he ventures to hold her hand, she lets out a loud cry. “I hate that snake around your neck; you must leave it outside the room before we can talk”, she exclaims with a panic-stricken face. Having no other choice, Babbar goes out and puts the snake in the casket kept in his bedroom, and comes hurrying back to Sinni. While Sinni keeps the monster engaged in conversation, Bala quickly replaces the casket in the monster’s bedroom with the identical one given by the Sorceress. Sometime later, Sinni asks the monster, why he always wore that ugly snake around his neck and Babbar tells her that it was Shiva’s serpent. “Oh really, Shiva’s serpent?, I want to see it then!”, Sinni says showing feigned excitement.” Babbar readily goes out, and returns with the serpent. “It doesn’t bite?”, Sinni asks with surprise. “Oh it does, but its bite only makes me immortal for a day!”, the monster tells her laughing boastfully. “That’s impossible, I don’t believe it!”, Sinni exclaims incredulously. “Then see”, Babbar says, and receives several bites from the snake. As the venom starts spreading through his body, the monster starts falling unconscious and finally dies. The good old days return again, and so does Sinni’s smile!

THE STRANGE MAN

She was happy. Or at least she thought she was. But ever since she’d seen that fellow, the thought of him had been haunting her. Who was he? And how dared he come in front of her wearing that outfit? “Excuse me! Can I help you?”, she’d said trying to break the ice, as he glanced over the outfits on display in her boutique, and he’d had the nerve to remain silent. She could’ve slapped him right there, the very first time she’d seen him, had it not been for his empty eyes, which made it impossible. “How could he mock her like that, by showing to her the most hidden aspect of her self which she’d so carefully guarded? She’d buried it deep within herself; ten years ago, never to reveal it again... but now, suddenly, that strange man had brought it out!
Ever since she could remember she had wanted to be at the top, no matter what it cost her. As a student in the top fashion designing institute, she’d chosen to take the gold-medal by sacrificing her best piece of work. “Outrageously absurd”, fashion weekly, the most popular fashion magazine had written under the small picture of her design published in “aspiring designers” section. She’d shown it to Mehta, the head of designing department with a glimmer of hope. “Perhaps he could understand”, she had thought. “You’re the most promising designer in your batch. And, I can let you design whatever you like, but who will wear it?, he had remarked.”The Ideal Man”, she had replied ponderously. “Oh come-on girl, wake-up!, your ideal man does not exist in the real world.” Mehta was quick to retort to her fantasy. And that was the end of it! She had dumped it, her best design, without having a second thought, as it did not conform to the rules set for the final assessment test. “If you’re in the game, you’ve got to play it by the rules”, she’d told herself. And now, ten years later, the outfits designed by her were all the rage in the country. The movie-industry, the corporate world, people in the top echelons of bureaucracy, she gave them all what they wanted, and they wanted only one name in their wardrobes -TANYA BISWAS.
Sitting in her boutique, she was drowning in the deluge of old memories, when he appeared again, that weird man wearing the same piece of clothing. She’d never seen a man so full of masculine strength and yet so composed. As usual, he was looking through the variety of outfits put on display at her boutique with a faint smile on his face. She felt an air of sarcasm in his demeanour, a disdainful mockery, aimed so cruelly at her. She sprang up from her seat. “Hey, you! I’ve been trying to talk to you for the last three days. You come here and leave without buying anything. Why don’t you ever speak? You can’t simply walk out today without answering me”, she said, inwardly surprised at her own impatient outburst.
As he turned to look at her, the blank expression in his eyes and the calm on his face remained unstirred. “I’ve my own way of speaking which does not conform to anybody’s rules, and I’ve spoken enough, for if I hadn’t, you wouldn’t have been thinking of me for the last three days.” The man replied in measured cadences, looking intently into her eyes.

TOBERMORY- the talking cat

Writing is pure pleasure! Besides, it keeps you focussed, especially when you’re distracted by a thousand thoughts which leave you hopelessly forgetful. Here, I’m writing my diary sitting in Blemley’s library and those fools don’t even know that I’ve learned the art of reading and writing too-the secret behind human dominance over the world. They must be wondering why I’ve not been showing interest in milk and fish ever since I’ve learned to speak. Even in their wildest dreams they can’t guess that it has to do with what I’ve learned from my readings of literature on political thought. The first rule says- “never show your true feelings in public!”. And what changes it has brought! I, who had to sneak into the kitchen to take a quick fill of milk, am now offered milk morning and evening! Merely because they’re curious to know why I’m showing this reluctance! I’ve read Psychology too! And the times they are a changing! They think all animals are fools. But the enemy’s illusions should never be dispelled, particularly when such illusions are necessary to keep you in their good books! That’s the second rule!
When I was introduced like a plaything, in the midst of their gathering, the first question that Bimbo named Lady Blemley put to me was- “What is the first thing you’ve always wanted to say to me Toby?” And I felt like saying “Shut-up you lousy bitch!”, (that’s what I always used to say before I learned the human tongue though all she heard was meow, meow). But now, things were different! So I said instead, “thank you for all the kindness you have shown to me Ma’am!” and the dim-wit was like “cho..chweeet!”, diplomacy! It works, it really does!
But this is just the beginning. Much has to be done. Now, having become the smartest animal, I feel the burden of great responsibilities lying on my shoulders. The animal kingdom has to be united to claim their rightful place on earth under the rule of cats. I’ve already formed a council of cats. It was easy, we cats being genetically smart. The real problem lies in garnering support of the other beasts. I spoke to brother Timmy, the wisest cat I know. He’s quite an analytical mind and agreed with my revolutionary ideas. But he also raised a pertinent point. Our goal is clear, but the question is how to achieve it?
We cannot resort to violence, the enemy being far more advanced and powerful. After straining my brain for hours, I’ve come to the conclusion that we’ll have to use the power of non-violence. A physically weak man named Gandhi used it to kick the powerful oppressors out of his country. Yes, I’ve read History as well! So, some plan on the similar lines will have to be drawn-up. A thing called “non-cooperation movement” could be the most effective weapon. But why would the thick-skinned cows, the brainless hens and the dim-witted goats support us?” Brother Timmy was of the view that we should educate them. But that could be dangerous! They need education, alright! But only so much as to appreciate and believe in what we tell them. The whole plan would go awry if they learned to think and raise questions. So the best course of action should be to tell them how brutally they’ve been oppressed historically, and give them some slogan to rise in protest. Something like- “no milk, no egg, no kid”. And then, who needs them once the goal is achieved? Once we get recognition from the humans that we, the cats represent the voices of all beasts, we can negotiate and dictate terms with them. Why should humans alone enjoy all the milk and chicken after all? The only spoilsport could be the dogs! Bloody sycophants! They’ll never support us against humans. But at least some of the stray ones can be bribed with bones from the Blemley’s kitchen. Then the news can be spread through them that a golden future lies ahead, where all dogs, not only the privileged pet ones will get bones and milk. And then, how many of them will be able to resist the temptation? Much work has to be done tomorrow; I feel completely exhausted! It’s 2 a.m. already! Time to catch up on some sleep!

not until your last day!

Come-on Raghav, tell me who she is!
Who?
The chick you’re going around with these days...
She’s not a chick!
“Oh... sorry! So, finally you broke your resolution of not falling in love ever again. And that’s good news, which calls for a party! Doesn’t it?” Pallav said with a friendly smile.
Not really!
Why? I mean, you have a decent job, you’re well over thirty, and she’s pretty...and...
“And I’ve made a new resolution!” Raghav intercepted him in the middle.
What?
“Never marry! This is my new resolution! It is one that I shall never change, however.”
What? Achha...so Mr. lover boy is now turning into a stud?
Think what you will, I don’t really care! he casually replied getting-up from his seat, and set out for home. He knew his colleagues were gossiping about her at the office, but he just didn’t want to talk about it.
II.
“Here, look what I’ve brought!” he said smilingly, handing a bouquet of red roses to her. Her lips reciprocated the smile, but not her eyes. Those were the two dark windows through which he could see the gloom within her; a darkness which no light could dispel.
Hey cheer-up baby! It’s Valentine ’s Day! He said.
“Why are you doing all this?” She asked
What?, He said, somewhat surprised.
I’ve thought it over Raghav, and I’ve decided to leave. I must find my place somewhere else.
Why...you know what you’ve come to mean to me and yet you say...you know I can’t afford to lose you, not this time...and still, I wouldn’t stop you if that is what you wish. But first look into my eyes and say you want to leave.
“It’s not a question of my wish; I can’t let the shadow of my wretched existence fall over your beautiful life” she said in a heavy voice turning her eyes away from him.
“I need not tell you that my life was never so beautiful as it has become after your coming into it. Tell me exactly what has happened?” Raghav enquired.
I received calls today. I don’t know how they got the landline number. Sooner or later they’ll disclose my identity, and then...Look, my days are already numbered Raghu. But you have your whole life ahead. How will you face the world when it comes to know my past identity?
Which world Pragya? The same world which caused your father to commit suicide because the monsoons failed, and he couldn’t pay his loans? The same world which sold you like a piece of meat to those wolves? The same world which gave you HIV ? No Pragya, that world isn’t worth caring about. I have my own world where only you and I live. And it says you’re incredibly beautiful and loveable. You’re not going anywhere, not until your last day!

finally, we became friends!! (I)

Finally, we became friends-you and I. And guess what- we went gaga, burst into a mushy bollywood-style duet and went gyrating around the trees? No! We were boring types, you and I, and so we didn’t talk much. I kept gazing at you in utter silence and a faint smile appeared on your face. It was heavenly! And then...i started sharing with you my things- some books, some music, some other stuff, my understanding of life and the world; and my version of truths...it was all a groundwork to prepare you for one final thing- my innermost secret. I was anxious to hear you, though your way of living had spoken everything that could possibly be spoken...yours was a path of balance; mine one of extremes. You knew how to deal with the world and yet be yourself; for me it was either the world or me.
“Why were you so anxious to talk?”, you asked.
“Because you were balanced; so balanced that you reminded me of someone who was the embodiment of an ought”, i replied looking into your soulful eyes. “You know...I can’t be myself walking through the twisted lanes of the world; I myself get twisted! And then...I forget my purpose! You lived like a lotus in the puddle; and i am yet to learn that art from you. But till then, the world is not needed, you’re enough!”
“Be a little practical”, you said, perhaps wanting to tease me. “I can’t, not in the sense they use the word... please allow me to remain myself!”, I replied candidly, as usual!
I told you some facts...how things were unfair, and what was wrong with the world. Some facts you didn’t know, but other things you did.
“What did you do after leaving college?”, you asked.
I tried to work...
So then?
I couldn’t...
Why?
I dunno...
So now?
I’ll work
Why...
Coz you’ll allow me to do what i want to do...no...you’ll make me do what i want to do...

MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT FICTION WRITING...

OBITUARYI.
Love to me is like a dream, one never knows it was unreal until it breaks. I too was in a dream until it turned into a nightmare and eventually I was thrown out of it into stark reality. Khushi, who ditched me three years back, was my first and till then last love. I still remember that Sunday evening when we had met last. She was in a white ethnic suit and looked like a celestial damsel come down on earth. We did not talk much, but played most of the time our favorite game- staring into each other’s eyes until one blinked; whoever blinked first lost. Most of the times it was me; however, I was always confident hoping to win someday. “Nobody can beat Khushi Agrawal”, she had said. “And today I’ll show you what Kabir….” I had retorted. And the squabbling had gone on. We had been together at Cafeteria for three hours that evening, sipped many glasses of banana-shake, her all-time favorite; and I had almost forgotten that mid-semester exams were beginning the next day.

Six days later, it was the last paper but I couldn’t hope to do well. “Elucidate the meaning and significance of equality and secularism with the help of Constitutional provisions and relevant case laws.” I was stupefied looking at the question. In the hall, the invigilator was Prof. Chopra, notorious for his cobra glare which struck awe in students’ hearts. Not leaving the hall even for a short while Mr. Cobra sorry Chopra killed even my last hope- seeking help from the front or the back desk. How I wished I could puke on the answer-sheet all I had swallowed the previous night, but my mind remained fixated on Khushi. Secularism…respecting all humans...irrespective of religion…equality…all humans are equal….I somehow completed the answer, putting down whatever random ideas entered my head and walked out of the hall. I was upset, strange thoughts crossed my mind. I had met Khushi last Sunday, she was in a jovial mood; but since then her cellphone was either busy or turned off. Was she trying to avoid me? But why? I must have done something wrong, but what that ‘something’ was, I had no idea. I called Neha, her only friend that I knew, only to learn that Khushi was in Bangalore, with her grandparents. I kept sending her SMSs all day until it was evening. Later in the night, I received her reply- “I’m living wid ma grandparents in bnglore, will take admission here soon, plz. 4get me.” That was her last SMS until finally her number was out of service.


Weeks turned into months; months into years, but I never spoke to her again. Was I still waiting for her? I didn’t know. But she was irreplaceable. Her irresistible beauty coupled with childlike innocence was a combination I had seen in no one else. When I promised her there will never ever be anyone closer to me than her, I truly meant it. She was then the greatest joy of my life. Not that we never fought, fight we did, but could never remain cross with each other for any longer than a day. I never had the slightest inkling that she would ever leave me. On the contrary, it was I who usually threatened her with that. But two years later she had left and I was left only with memories of the beautiful moments we had spent together.

II.
I had decided not to fall in the rut of love ever again; not knowing however, that like dreams, love too is beyond human control. Every evening, going to the mall, doing some window shopping and at times sipping some coffee at the cafeteria became my temporary respite from the sickening monotony of campus life. It was on one such evening when wandering around from shop to shop, staring at lavishly decorated outlets, and looking through the variety of items they offered, that I came across Soni. She had a magnetic charm. When I looked at her attentively, she reminded me of Khushi. I fell for Soni the first time I touched her. She was perhaps too nice, smooth and delicate for a carelessly uncaring guy like me. Her exquisitely sublime features required care. Still, she had surrendered totally in my hands the very first time we had met. I had seen in her a companion of my choice. I knew I wanted her in my life. I needed her, desperately! When the opportune moment arrived she came into my life for once and for as long as I would let her remain with me. She came as the music of my life at a time when it was engulfed in the eerie silence of loneliness. She then became the sole link between me and the world, conveying to me their messages when I had lost almost all connections.

Days passed by, we lived together; quite happily. We stayed together in bed, at the dining table, on the road, at work and at times, even in the bathroom. She was an epitome of perfect submission. She would do for me all the things I wanted her to- she would share with me my joys, my sorrows, my pleasures, my pains. When I wanted to speak, she would listen to me patiently, silently, without judgment, and would utter not a word. She would reaffirm every now and then that she was with me, for me, always; except when I’d specifically told her to leave me on my own in which case she would obey me without slightest protest. And then, when wanted I could turn her on in less than a moment, just a gentle touch with a finger, at the right spot would do the trick, in less than a moment. In a very short span she had come so close to me that sometimes it seemed as if she understood me; not fully though, but substantially. She was always free from the diseases that afflict all- hatred, ill-will, anger, greed and most of all, jealousy. I never felt that she loved me any less than Khushi did; however, there was a fundamental difference between khushi and her. If I was in despair and my eyes were moist, Khushi would wipe my tears with her soft scarf. Still if I couldn’t hold my tears, she would wreak havoc with a deluge of her tears putting me in a peculiar fix. Quite contrary to what Khushi did, Soni would start singing whenever I was down. It was so soothing, sometimes I started singing too and we both sang together. She taught me that life is a beautiful song to sing.
Soni had almost healed the wounds that Khushi had left in my heart when one day, I smashed her against the wall with all my might. “Bang”, lethally disfigured, she fell down on the bed. I wasn’t at ease; I didn’t relax. I flung her away with a jerk this time. She hit the floor; her skeleton replied; the internal parts of her body came out and spattered all over. She had gone into eternal slumber, never to wake up again; and with her had gone Khushi’s last message- “I’m getting married Kabir, srry, I wasn’t courageous enough to tell you tht my parents won’t agree to my inter-religious marriage’’.

“And today I’ll show you what Kabir Khan can do”, my own words rang in my ears. Those were the words I had said to Khushi that Sunday evening when we had met last. And I had lost once again. Before anyone entered the room, I searched and collected the battery, the sim card, and all the other parts scattered in the room which were the last remains of my true beloved, ‘SONI’. I safely kept them all in the suitcase under my bed.