OBITUARYI.
Love to me is like a dream, one never knows it was unreal until it breaks. I too was in a dream until it turned into a nightmare and eventually I was thrown out of it into stark reality. Khushi, who ditched me three years back, was my first and till then last love. I still remember that Sunday evening when we had met last. She was in a white ethnic suit and looked like a celestial damsel come down on earth. We did not talk much, but played most of the time our favorite game- staring into each other’s eyes until one blinked; whoever blinked first lost. Most of the times it was me; however, I was always confident hoping to win someday. “Nobody can beat Khushi Agrawal”, she had said. “And today I’ll show you what Kabir….” I had retorted. And the squabbling had gone on. We had been together at Cafeteria for three hours that evening, sipped many glasses of banana-shake, her all-time favorite; and I had almost forgotten that mid-semester exams were beginning the next day.
Six days later, it was the last paper but I couldn’t hope to do well. “Elucidate the meaning and significance of equality and secularism with the help of Constitutional provisions and relevant case laws.” I was stupefied looking at the question. In the hall, the invigilator was Prof. Chopra, notorious for his cobra glare which struck awe in students’ hearts. Not leaving the hall even for a short while Mr. Cobra sorry Chopra killed even my last hope- seeking help from the front or the back desk. How I wished I could puke on the answer-sheet all I had swallowed the previous night, but my mind remained fixated on Khushi. Secularism…respecting all humans...irrespective of religion…equality…all humans are equal….I somehow completed the answer, putting down whatever random ideas entered my head and walked out of the hall. I was upset, strange thoughts crossed my mind. I had met Khushi last Sunday, she was in a jovial mood; but since then her cellphone was either busy or turned off. Was she trying to avoid me? But why? I must have done something wrong, but what that ‘something’ was, I had no idea. I called Neha, her only friend that I knew, only to learn that Khushi was in Bangalore, with her grandparents. I kept sending her SMSs all day until it was evening. Later in the night, I received her reply- “I’m living wid ma grandparents in bnglore, will take admission here soon, plz. 4get me.” That was her last SMS until finally her number was out of service.
Weeks turned into months; months into years, but I never spoke to her again. Was I still waiting for her? I didn’t know. But she was irreplaceable. Her irresistible beauty coupled with childlike innocence was a combination I had seen in no one else. When I promised her there will never ever be anyone closer to me than her, I truly meant it. She was then the greatest joy of my life. Not that we never fought, fight we did, but could never remain cross with each other for any longer than a day. I never had the slightest inkling that she would ever leave me. On the contrary, it was I who usually threatened her with that. But two years later she had left and I was left only with memories of the beautiful moments we had spent together.
II.
I had decided not to fall in the rut of love ever again; not knowing however, that like dreams, love too is beyond human control. Every evening, going to the mall, doing some window shopping and at times sipping some coffee at the cafeteria became my temporary respite from the sickening monotony of campus life. It was on one such evening when wandering around from shop to shop, staring at lavishly decorated outlets, and looking through the variety of items they offered, that I came across Soni. She had a magnetic charm. When I looked at her attentively, she reminded me of Khushi. I fell for Soni the first time I touched her. She was perhaps too nice, smooth and delicate for a carelessly uncaring guy like me. Her exquisitely sublime features required care. Still, she had surrendered totally in my hands the very first time we had met. I had seen in her a companion of my choice. I knew I wanted her in my life. I needed her, desperately! When the opportune moment arrived she came into my life for once and for as long as I would let her remain with me. She came as the music of my life at a time when it was engulfed in the eerie silence of loneliness. She then became the sole link between me and the world, conveying to me their messages when I had lost almost all connections.
Days passed by, we lived together; quite happily. We stayed together in bed, at the dining table, on the road, at work and at times, even in the bathroom. She was an epitome of perfect submission. She would do for me all the things I wanted her to- she would share with me my joys, my sorrows, my pleasures, my pains. When I wanted to speak, she would listen to me patiently, silently, without judgment, and would utter not a word. She would reaffirm every now and then that she was with me, for me, always; except when I’d specifically told her to leave me on my own in which case she would obey me without slightest protest. And then, when wanted I could turn her on in less than a moment, just a gentle touch with a finger, at the right spot would do the trick, in less than a moment. In a very short span she had come so close to me that sometimes it seemed as if she understood me; not fully though, but substantially. She was always free from the diseases that afflict all- hatred, ill-will, anger, greed and most of all, jealousy. I never felt that she loved me any less than Khushi did; however, there was a fundamental difference between khushi and her. If I was in despair and my eyes were moist, Khushi would wipe my tears with her soft scarf. Still if I couldn’t hold my tears, she would wreak havoc with a deluge of her tears putting me in a peculiar fix. Quite contrary to what Khushi did, Soni would start singing whenever I was down. It was so soothing, sometimes I started singing too and we both sang together. She taught me that life is a beautiful song to sing.
Soni had almost healed the wounds that Khushi had left in my heart when one day, I smashed her against the wall with all my might. “Bang”, lethally disfigured, she fell down on the bed. I wasn’t at ease; I didn’t relax. I flung her away with a jerk this time. She hit the floor; her skeleton replied; the internal parts of her body came out and spattered all over. She had gone into eternal slumber, never to wake up again; and with her had gone Khushi’s last message- “I’m getting married Kabir, srry, I wasn’t courageous enough to tell you tht my parents won’t agree to my inter-religious marriage’’.
“And today I’ll show you what Kabir Khan can do”, my own words rang in my ears. Those were the words I had said to Khushi that Sunday evening when we had met last. And I had lost once again. Before anyone entered the room, I searched and collected the battery, the sim card, and all the other parts scattered in the room which were the last remains of my true beloved, ‘SONI’. I safely kept them all in the suitcase under my bed.
