Mine is an ode to ecstasy,
No place it has for nostalgic tears.
A silence so musical, never again I know I might hear
But I’ll have a shot at diplomacy,
Mine is an ode to ecstasy!
A flickering flame life-an indefinite lease!
Used to feeling good, I take no unease,
for what persists today must tomorrow cease,
too short a time to grieve some unrealized fantasy
Mine is an ode to ecstasy!
Life will be a trade with every usual shade,
through toxic, tedious waters, I shall have to wade.
That fragrance so sacred, never might I feel
But used to secret raptures-I’ll break not my policy!
Mine is an ode to ecstasy!
An excuse this world and its intoxicants
Sinners all lost, lost all saints,
I too shall be lost, or pretend to be.
That symbol of an “ought”, I’ll no longer perceive,
but I too must now learn, the art of hypocrisy,
Mine is an odd to ecstasy!!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
TO AN INDIVIDUAL
Love, for the lack of a better word,
is no means to an end.
But, is not it an end itself
in this passing moment?
Seeing my joy, some friends asked me,
why do I not show?
Why would I when seeing you “free”
I get my joy in flow?
No excuse is this bliss unbound,
to capture a breeze so fresh!
That soft breeze, though, is a pretext sound,
to infuse life’s joy in flesh.
Yet I long, to share with you,
everything that’s mine.
But then, what’s mine, but myself,
and some useless lines?
And therefore, to you I give,
this surge from some deep source.
For myself I can give not,
since I already am yours!
is no means to an end.
But, is not it an end itself
in this passing moment?
Seeing my joy, some friends asked me,
why do I not show?
Why would I when seeing you “free”
I get my joy in flow?
No excuse is this bliss unbound,
to capture a breeze so fresh!
That soft breeze, though, is a pretext sound,
to infuse life’s joy in flesh.
Yet I long, to share with you,
everything that’s mine.
But then, what’s mine, but myself,
and some useless lines?
And therefore, to you I give,
this surge from some deep source.
For myself I can give not,
since I already am yours!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A QUESTION
There is a question,
The question is with me,
and I am the question.
The answer that I seek,
does not exist,
For if there is an answer,
it raises ten more questions,
and "answers" to those questions,
raise a thousand questions more!
So what I actually seek,
is disappearance of my question,
and since I am the question,
it is my disappearance!
The question is with me,
and I am the question.
The answer that I seek,
does not exist,
For if there is an answer,
it raises ten more questions,
and "answers" to those questions,
raise a thousand questions more!
So what I actually seek,
is disappearance of my question,
and since I am the question,
it is my disappearance!
Friday, October 23, 2009
TO AN INDIVIDUAL
How shall I share with you in words,
The elegance of a graceful pace
The ethereal clues in a tangible face; and
the overflowing joy of morning birds?
How shall I capture in speech
The beauty of a blossom in bloom; its innocence,
convey in words its fragrance,
and transmit the music of soft breeze??
How will these porous words hold
The subtlety of a fresh dew's story,
sing paeans to its pristine glory,
and tell what can't be told?
How shall I infuse any word
with what speakers fail to speak,
what is lost in constant shriek
and the depth of silences unheard?
HOW will the lifeless manifest life's worth
and show it to the creator's immaculate creation,
whose no bit need be changed for any distant heaven,
or for this very earth?
But overcome by greed, I admit
without pretense, having a craving intense,
but to overcome that need, I can offer you to read,
nothing more than a deep contagious SILENCE!
The elegance of a graceful pace
The ethereal clues in a tangible face; and
the overflowing joy of morning birds?
How shall I capture in speech
The beauty of a blossom in bloom; its innocence,
convey in words its fragrance,
and transmit the music of soft breeze??
How will these porous words hold
The subtlety of a fresh dew's story,
sing paeans to its pristine glory,
and tell what can't be told?
How shall I infuse any word
with what speakers fail to speak,
what is lost in constant shriek
and the depth of silences unheard?
HOW will the lifeless manifest life's worth
and show it to the creator's immaculate creation,
whose no bit need be changed for any distant heaven,
or for this very earth?
But overcome by greed, I admit
without pretense, having a craving intense,
but to overcome that need, I can offer you to read,
nothing more than a deep contagious SILENCE!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
FREEDOM
Freedom,
to choose to win or to lose,
to have your choice, and to exercise;
to be dumb or wise,
Oh, how nice!!
Freedom,
to have your own space,
to gaze at some chosen face,
to eat or to starve,
to have your hue, blue or mauve;
Wow!!
Freedom,
to speak your mind, or be quiet,
to stay in dark, or turn on the light
to kill all Gods, or worship a stone
to shout with the crowd, or stand alone,
Freedom,
to sit, stand or walk,
to read, play or just talk.
To do or not to do,
a thousand things, and more,
Freedom, sure??
Alas!! That inexpressible grief!
A mistaken belief,
Freedom,
Ostrich, its no use hiding your face,
Invisible predators on the chase,
No, its no time for fun,
Be killed or Run!!
In your choice, u seek your glee
But u ain’t yet got the freedom,
Just to be.
SEE!!!
to choose to win or to lose,
to have your choice, and to exercise;
to be dumb or wise,
Oh, how nice!!
Freedom,
to have your own space,
to gaze at some chosen face,
to eat or to starve,
to have your hue, blue or mauve;
Wow!!
Freedom,
to speak your mind, or be quiet,
to stay in dark, or turn on the light
to kill all Gods, or worship a stone
to shout with the crowd, or stand alone,
Freedom,
to sit, stand or walk,
to read, play or just talk.
To do or not to do,
a thousand things, and more,
Freedom, sure??
Alas!! That inexpressible grief!
A mistaken belief,
Freedom,
Ostrich, its no use hiding your face,
Invisible predators on the chase,
No, its no time for fun,
Be killed or Run!!
In your choice, u seek your glee
But u ain’t yet got the freedom,
Just to be.
SEE!!!
Monday, September 21, 2009
RED INDIA
In tinsel towns, in cities of joys,
Amid countless pleasures and a million lavish toys,
There is an India,
Where water is bought like a psychedelic dose,
In paradise of lust where “ought” and “is” come close
There is an India
Amid dazzling lights where life is on the run,
Where schools and colleges are places meant for fun,
There is an India
Where a famous bloke’s sneeze is a top headline,
where some popular bimbo’s wedding is news devine,
There is an India
Where Armani and Rolax are biggest concerns
Where a neibhour’s sultry wife causes heartburns,
There is an india
And there is an India, spread beyond the hills,
Streching into jungles which sunlight fails to pierce;
Where half-nude folks, are nude not for style,
Where purest thing to see is an artless smile
There is an India
And there is an India, where INDIA never reached,
Which always lived ignorant
Though lived with utmost ease;
An India far from INDIA,
Which dwelt in perfect peace,
On mother nature’s lap amid countless living trees
An India where now, a million barrels roar,
Which lies lethaly hurt, smeared with blood and gore...
Whose cries go unheard, whose wounds go unseen,
That too is an India, now RED rather than GREEN!!!
Amid countless pleasures and a million lavish toys,
There is an India,
Where water is bought like a psychedelic dose,
In paradise of lust where “ought” and “is” come close
There is an India
Amid dazzling lights where life is on the run,
Where schools and colleges are places meant for fun,
There is an India
Where a famous bloke’s sneeze is a top headline,
where some popular bimbo’s wedding is news devine,
There is an India
Where Armani and Rolax are biggest concerns
Where a neibhour’s sultry wife causes heartburns,
There is an india
And there is an India, spread beyond the hills,
Streching into jungles which sunlight fails to pierce;
Where half-nude folks, are nude not for style,
Where purest thing to see is an artless smile
There is an India
And there is an India, where INDIA never reached,
Which always lived ignorant
Though lived with utmost ease;
An India far from INDIA,
Which dwelt in perfect peace,
On mother nature’s lap amid countless living trees
An India where now, a million barrels roar,
Which lies lethaly hurt, smeared with blood and gore...
Whose cries go unheard, whose wounds go unseen,
That too is an India, now RED rather than GREEN!!!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT FICTION WRITING...
OBITUARYI.
Love to me is like a dream, one never knows it was unreal until it breaks. I too was in a dream until it turned into a nightmare and eventually I was thrown out of it into stark reality. Khushi, who ditched me three years back, was my first and till then last love. I still remember that Sunday evening when we had met last. She was in a white ethnic suit and looked like a celestial damsel come down on earth. We did not talk much, but played most of the time our favorite game- staring into each other’s eyes until one blinked; whoever blinked first lost. Most of the times it was me; however, I was always confident hoping to win someday. “Nobody can beat Khushi Agrawal”, she had said. “And today I’ll show you what Kabir….” I had retorted. And the squabbling had gone on. We had been together at Cafeteria for three hours that evening, sipped many glasses of banana-shake, her all-time favorite; and I had almost forgotten that mid-semester exams were beginning the next day.
Six days later, it was the last paper but I couldn’t hope to do well. “Elucidate the meaning and significance of equality and secularism with the help of Constitutional provisions and relevant case laws.” I was stupefied looking at the question. In the hall, the invigilator was Prof. Chopra, notorious for his cobra glare which struck awe in students’ hearts. Not leaving the hall even for a short while Mr. Cobra sorry Chopra killed even my last hope- seeking help from the front or the back desk. How I wished I could puke on the answer-sheet all I had swallowed the previous night, but my mind remained fixated on Khushi. Secularism…respecting all humans...irrespective of religion…equality…all humans are equal….I somehow completed the answer, putting down whatever random ideas entered my head and walked out of the hall. I was upset, strange thoughts crossed my mind. I had met Khushi last Sunday, she was in a jovial mood; but since then her cellphone was either busy or turned off. Was she trying to avoid me? But why? I must have done something wrong, but what that ‘something’ was, I had no idea. I called Neha, her only friend that I knew, only to learn that Khushi was in Bangalore, with her grandparents. I kept sending her SMSs all day until it was evening. Later in the night, I received her reply- “I’m living wid ma grandparents in bnglore, will take admission here soon, plz. 4get me.” That was her last SMS until finally her number was out of service.
Weeks turned into months; months into years, but I never spoke to her again. Was I still waiting for her? I didn’t know. But she was irreplaceable. Her irresistible beauty coupled with childlike innocence was a combination I had seen in no one else. When I promised her there will never ever be anyone closer to me than her, I truly meant it. She was then the greatest joy of my life. Not that we never fought, fight we did, but could never remain cross with each other for any longer than a day. I never had the slightest inkling that she would ever leave me. On the contrary, it was I who usually threatened her with that. But two years later she had left and I was left only with memories of the beautiful moments we had spent together.
II.
I had decided not to fall in the rut of love ever again; not knowing however, that like dreams, love too is beyond human control. Every evening, going to the mall, doing some window shopping and at times sipping some coffee at the cafeteria became my temporary respite from the sickening monotony of campus life. It was on one such evening when wandering around from shop to shop, staring at lavishly decorated outlets, and looking through the variety of items they offered, that I came across Soni. She had a magnetic charm. When I looked at her attentively, she reminded me of Khushi. I fell for Soni the first time I touched her. She was perhaps too nice, smooth and delicate for a carelessly uncaring guy like me. Her exquisitely sublime features required care. Still, she had surrendered totally in my hands the very first time we had met. I had seen in her a companion of my choice. I knew I wanted her in my life. I needed her, desperately! When the opportune moment arrived she came into my life for once and for as long as I would let her remain with me. She came as the music of my life at a time when it was engulfed in the eerie silence of loneliness. She then became the sole link between me and the world, conveying to me their messages when I had lost almost all connections.
Days passed by, we lived together; quite happily. We stayed together in bed, at the dining table, on the road, at work and at times, even in the bathroom. She was an epitome of perfect submission. She would do for me all the things I wanted her to- she would share with me my joys, my sorrows, my pleasures, my pains. When I wanted to speak, she would listen to me patiently, silently, without judgment, and would utter not a word. She would reaffirm every now and then that she was with me, for me, always; except when I’d specifically told her to leave me on my own in which case she would obey me without slightest protest. And then, when wanted I could turn her on in less than a moment, just a gentle touch with a finger, at the right spot would do the trick, in less than a moment. In a very short span she had come so close to me that sometimes it seemed as if she understood me; not fully though, but substantially. She was always free from the diseases that afflict all- hatred, ill-will, anger, greed and most of all, jealousy. I never felt that she loved me any less than Khushi did; however, there was a fundamental difference between khushi and her. If I was in despair and my eyes were moist, Khushi would wipe my tears with her soft scarf. Still if I couldn’t hold my tears, she would wreak havoc with a deluge of her tears putting me in a peculiar fix. Quite contrary to what Khushi did, Soni would start singing whenever I was down. It was so soothing, sometimes I started singing too and we both sang together. She taught me that life is a beautiful song to sing.
Soni had almost healed the wounds that Khushi had left in my heart when one day, I smashed her against the wall with all my might. “Bang”, lethally disfigured, she fell down on the bed. I wasn’t at ease; I didn’t relax. I flung her away with a jerk this time. She hit the floor; her skeleton replied; the internal parts of her body came out and spattered all over. She had gone into eternal slumber, never to wake up again; and with her had gone Khushi’s last message- “I’m getting married Kabir, srry, I wasn’t courageous enough to tell you tht my parents won’t agree to my inter-religious marriage’’.
“And today I’ll show you what Kabir Khan can do”, my own words rang in my ears. Those were the words I had said to Khushi that Sunday evening when we had met last. And I had lost once again. Before anyone entered the room, I searched and collected the battery, the sim card, and all the other parts scattered in the room which were the last remains of my true beloved, ‘SONI’. I safely kept them all in the suitcase under my bed.
Love to me is like a dream, one never knows it was unreal until it breaks. I too was in a dream until it turned into a nightmare and eventually I was thrown out of it into stark reality. Khushi, who ditched me three years back, was my first and till then last love. I still remember that Sunday evening when we had met last. She was in a white ethnic suit and looked like a celestial damsel come down on earth. We did not talk much, but played most of the time our favorite game- staring into each other’s eyes until one blinked; whoever blinked first lost. Most of the times it was me; however, I was always confident hoping to win someday. “Nobody can beat Khushi Agrawal”, she had said. “And today I’ll show you what Kabir….” I had retorted. And the squabbling had gone on. We had been together at Cafeteria for three hours that evening, sipped many glasses of banana-shake, her all-time favorite; and I had almost forgotten that mid-semester exams were beginning the next day.
Six days later, it was the last paper but I couldn’t hope to do well. “Elucidate the meaning and significance of equality and secularism with the help of Constitutional provisions and relevant case laws.” I was stupefied looking at the question. In the hall, the invigilator was Prof. Chopra, notorious for his cobra glare which struck awe in students’ hearts. Not leaving the hall even for a short while Mr. Cobra sorry Chopra killed even my last hope- seeking help from the front or the back desk. How I wished I could puke on the answer-sheet all I had swallowed the previous night, but my mind remained fixated on Khushi. Secularism…respecting all humans...irrespective of religion…equality…all humans are equal….I somehow completed the answer, putting down whatever random ideas entered my head and walked out of the hall. I was upset, strange thoughts crossed my mind. I had met Khushi last Sunday, she was in a jovial mood; but since then her cellphone was either busy or turned off. Was she trying to avoid me? But why? I must have done something wrong, but what that ‘something’ was, I had no idea. I called Neha, her only friend that I knew, only to learn that Khushi was in Bangalore, with her grandparents. I kept sending her SMSs all day until it was evening. Later in the night, I received her reply- “I’m living wid ma grandparents in bnglore, will take admission here soon, plz. 4get me.” That was her last SMS until finally her number was out of service.
Weeks turned into months; months into years, but I never spoke to her again. Was I still waiting for her? I didn’t know. But she was irreplaceable. Her irresistible beauty coupled with childlike innocence was a combination I had seen in no one else. When I promised her there will never ever be anyone closer to me than her, I truly meant it. She was then the greatest joy of my life. Not that we never fought, fight we did, but could never remain cross with each other for any longer than a day. I never had the slightest inkling that she would ever leave me. On the contrary, it was I who usually threatened her with that. But two years later she had left and I was left only with memories of the beautiful moments we had spent together.
II.
I had decided not to fall in the rut of love ever again; not knowing however, that like dreams, love too is beyond human control. Every evening, going to the mall, doing some window shopping and at times sipping some coffee at the cafeteria became my temporary respite from the sickening monotony of campus life. It was on one such evening when wandering around from shop to shop, staring at lavishly decorated outlets, and looking through the variety of items they offered, that I came across Soni. She had a magnetic charm. When I looked at her attentively, she reminded me of Khushi. I fell for Soni the first time I touched her. She was perhaps too nice, smooth and delicate for a carelessly uncaring guy like me. Her exquisitely sublime features required care. Still, she had surrendered totally in my hands the very first time we had met. I had seen in her a companion of my choice. I knew I wanted her in my life. I needed her, desperately! When the opportune moment arrived she came into my life for once and for as long as I would let her remain with me. She came as the music of my life at a time when it was engulfed in the eerie silence of loneliness. She then became the sole link between me and the world, conveying to me their messages when I had lost almost all connections.
Days passed by, we lived together; quite happily. We stayed together in bed, at the dining table, on the road, at work and at times, even in the bathroom. She was an epitome of perfect submission. She would do for me all the things I wanted her to- she would share with me my joys, my sorrows, my pleasures, my pains. When I wanted to speak, she would listen to me patiently, silently, without judgment, and would utter not a word. She would reaffirm every now and then that she was with me, for me, always; except when I’d specifically told her to leave me on my own in which case she would obey me without slightest protest. And then, when wanted I could turn her on in less than a moment, just a gentle touch with a finger, at the right spot would do the trick, in less than a moment. In a very short span she had come so close to me that sometimes it seemed as if she understood me; not fully though, but substantially. She was always free from the diseases that afflict all- hatred, ill-will, anger, greed and most of all, jealousy. I never felt that she loved me any less than Khushi did; however, there was a fundamental difference between khushi and her. If I was in despair and my eyes were moist, Khushi would wipe my tears with her soft scarf. Still if I couldn’t hold my tears, she would wreak havoc with a deluge of her tears putting me in a peculiar fix. Quite contrary to what Khushi did, Soni would start singing whenever I was down. It was so soothing, sometimes I started singing too and we both sang together. She taught me that life is a beautiful song to sing.
Soni had almost healed the wounds that Khushi had left in my heart when one day, I smashed her against the wall with all my might. “Bang”, lethally disfigured, she fell down on the bed. I wasn’t at ease; I didn’t relax. I flung her away with a jerk this time. She hit the floor; her skeleton replied; the internal parts of her body came out and spattered all over. She had gone into eternal slumber, never to wake up again; and with her had gone Khushi’s last message- “I’m getting married Kabir, srry, I wasn’t courageous enough to tell you tht my parents won’t agree to my inter-religious marriage’’.
“And today I’ll show you what Kabir Khan can do”, my own words rang in my ears. Those were the words I had said to Khushi that Sunday evening when we had met last. And I had lost once again. Before anyone entered the room, I searched and collected the battery, the sim card, and all the other parts scattered in the room which were the last remains of my true beloved, ‘SONI’. I safely kept them all in the suitcase under my bed.
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